To My Eldest

Dear Baby AZAH,

You are not a baby anymore; in two weeks you will be four years old. As your birthday approaches I have been reflecting on this past year. Your third year of life has been a great challenge, and I am so proud of the way you’ve grown. There have been so many major changes, in such a short amount of time, and truthfully, you have taken it all in strides. Thank you for being so resilient!

You have had to watch me become ill. I know that is not an easy thing. Our activities have changed from trips to the park and library to doctor’s appointments and many, many waiting rooms. You have had to watch your strong, fun mommy turn into a fragile being whom can hardly be touched without being in pain. Our lovey-dovey time together has all but disappeared due to my pain and irritableness. You’ve seen me cry more than I would have liked. But through all this YOU have been my comfort and my joy! You are always there with me even when I think I need to be by myself. When I’m in pain your gentle touch and sweet words lets me know that I am okay, because I am ok for you. You are such a great helper, and this year you have learned to do so much. You can do anything. Your abilities are immeasurable.

Next year I have to send you off into the world. I have no idea what the environment of school will do to your sweet trusting personality, and I worry that you will be hurt in knowing how the world really is. So I got 9 months left, to get you ready for the world. I remember going to grade school, and kids can be mean. I can’t send you out there without the proper armor. We have been working on the academic side of things for a while, but the social aspect will be something new to you. It’s time for me to tell it like it is, and let you make your own choice. If I’ve been doing my job right, you will choose wisely.

I love you Suga Mama! In all that you do, always do your best. You are a shining star, believe in yourself and shine bright to let everyone know! I pray that this fourth year of your life is free from hardship, and that our family continues to grow in love and faith. You are my comfort and my joy, and I am so proud to see how you are growing up.

Loving you always and forever,


8 thoughts on “To My Eldest

  1. awe BFF you are so a wonderful and loving mother and your family is so blessed to have you! as am i of course!! this is so cute when she is grown this will mean so much more than it does as she is a child!

    • Thanks BFF! I’ve been feeling as if I owe it to AZAH to write this letter to her, because I know how formative this time is and how much these changes can really effect her life. At times I wonder if she will be in therapy because of this past year, but then I look at her and I see her joy. She is a happy child and I am blessed to have her 🙂

  2. Babe, this touched me so much and reminded me what a loving and wonderful mother you are. It makes me think of your fourth year, and how much like your little girl you were. Our lives, because of sickness, pain and seperation, things that were beyond our control were turned upside down. The strong became weak, the independent became dependent… so much change as if overnight… The only constant was and is yet one in the same…The one True Living God! Praised and Glorified is He. Keep your trust in Him and follow the guidance He gives you,and as He has sustained you, your child too will be sustained. Remain ever true to the love you have known and has grown within you. I love you. Please keep writing. Such honesty of expression and thoughtfulness is healing for us all.

  3. What a treasure for your darling girl. Your mom’s comment just made me cry, happy joyful tears. Being a daughter, and a mother, and the circleness and all the love. So uplifting. Thanks darlin. xo

  4. This is so very beautiful and honest,,,, just like you,,,, You are such a strong, beautiful woman and mother and wife…. May God continue to bless you and hold you in the Lite. You are a blessing in my life…
    Stay you…
    Peace and blessings always

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